


If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it even make a sound?

by AndOnlyUs



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Take it as you will, author is writing this very late at night, but not saying he isn't, evan hansen needs a hug, kind of a vent???, not necessarily dead, please read the trigger warnings!!!, the author probably needs a hug too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:16:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29581527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndOnlyUs/pseuds/AndOnlyUs
Summary: Evan's subconscious is telling him to just get it over and done with. No point waiting around any longer.He's here to finally do what he needs to do.
Kudos: 5





	If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it even make a sound?

**Author's Note:**

> HI LOVES! THIS ONE-SHOT NEEDS MAJOR TRIGGER WARNINGS. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T READ IF THIS WILL BE HARMFUL TO YOUR MENTAL STATE! 
> 
> trigger warnings for suicide, HEAVY suicidal thoughts & ideation. will tag more trigger warnings if needed.
> 
> this is set pre-canon and is expanding off of evan's canon suicide attempt at ellison state park. 
> 
> this story is also a very messy jumble of words that i wrote at about one in the morning, so bare with me.

Evan Hansen is tired.

Evan Hansen has fought his battle, and he has lost. There is no denying it.

Evan is tired of trying so hard to be better, only to be invisible. To be just another face in the sea of kids that pass through the hallways. To be ignored by everyone he desperately tries to reach. To be nothing but a mere _burden_ to anyone who may decide to deal with him. 

Nobody understands him. What's worse is, nobody wants to try. 

Evans' anxiety seemed to surge with every expelled breath, always reaching higher peaks, never sufficiently soothed by his long intakes of air. 

It’s not too late to fix this once and for all.

Not too late, not too late… 

He’s standing with his feet rooted firmly to the ground, but he can’t help but feel like his knees are going to buckle and he’ll end up collapsing onto the floor of this forest. Evan’s desperately trying to hide his growing panic as he waits for _something, ANYTHING to happen._ The nerves came in waves and threatened to consume him entirely. It was his master, for now. He was at the mercy of its whims and at times it bit at him with such ferocity he feared it would leave him an empty shell. 

But, surprise surprise, nothing happens.

Who is he even trying to hide his panic from? It’s not like anyone else was around. It’s not like anyone else cares enough to come to find him. No one would even care enough to notice if he just _vanished into thin air._

No one seems to care at all. Does _anyone_ care? _Why won’t anyone care?!_

Silence crashes down around him. Even the fall leaves have ceased their scudding along the paths. Distortion is insolent, but whittled away to abstract perfection; whitewashed so that every sin has the same hue. The boy's emotions were not easily hidden on his seemingly innocent face. His pain was evident in the crease of his brow and the down-curve of his lip, eyes full of sorrow — deep pools of dark blue, an ocean of _hopeless grief._

Evan wasn’t sure how he’d even found this location, or this tree, to be specific. It was a wide glade in which the surrounding trees seemed to fall away, revealing the bespeckled sky. He stepped off the path he'd been wandering along, instead opting to wade through the grass. There was this massive, forty-foot oak tree that he'd been eying up for a few weeks now. Ever since he'd started his apprenticeship at the state park, he'd been keeping a mental tab on this one particular tree.

He was certain it was tall enough to do the job.

The air is still and everything around him is dead silent. He usually enjoys silence; strives for it, even. He has spent countless hours of his life trying to perfect himself, turn himself into someone that is silent, doesn't draw attention, doesn't make too much noise. But here, now, faced with the overwhelming reality of the silence, of the loneliness, of the fact that even if he did make noise no one would be there, it's sort of harrowing. Disturbing if he thinks about it too much.

Evan is afraid to even breathe. Afraid to upset the quiet beauty the silence around him creates. His lungs feel heavy in his chest, and as glances up at the tree, he winces at the idea of his ultimate end being the thing to upset the peace in this otherwise beautiful spot. To anybody looking from the outside, this would be a gorgeous location to relax.

Unfortunately, Evan just _had_ to ruin that. 

His subconscious is telling him to just get it over and done with. No point waiting around any longer. He’s here to finally do what he needs to do. 

The boy forced himself to walk. His hands reach for one of the branches that extend off the tree, gently brushing his cracked fingertips against the bark. He doesn’t know exactly how long he stood there, grasping this branch until he finally made the decision to start climbing. 

Evan just wants this to be over. He can’t deal with _anything_ anymore. 

_Maybe him being gone will be a good thing?_

It’d help his mom out. She wouldn’t have to worry about paying for his medication, for therapy. She could focus on work and not have to constantly be checking in on her son. 

It’d also help his (family) friend, Jared, out. He could easily find better people to hang out with without his pathetic ‘buddy’ following him everywhere. 

Even then, Evan doesn’t think they’d notice his disappearance. 

One foot, after the other. 

Evan feels oddly calm. He feels almost… at peace. He knows that as soon as he reaches the top, all of this will be over. All this pain. _Everything._

As the boy nears the final footholds in the tree, he studies the surrounding branches. There’s a branch to his left that looks sturdy enough for him to cling to. With a sharp inhale, Evan hooks his arm around it, kicking his feet away from the trunk. 

His shoelaces dangle in the air, descending into nothingness. Evan feels a tear run down his cheek. The park looks so peaceful from up here.

This is it.

This is how his story ends.

Evan takes one final gasp of air,

_and then he lets go._

**Author's Note:**

> okay wow that one hurt to write. it's currently 2am as i am writing these notes, so please forgive any spelling or grammatical errors! i'll fix them once i catch em.
> 
> let me know if you'd be interested in reading any more one-shots or stories, i'd be more than happy to write them!


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